Welcome to my educational series! I've been wanting to do something like this for a while, to spread awareness and education about consensual power dynamics and safe(ish) kink play. These posts will also be on my Facebook page(s), and my Instagram page.
Bratting Vs. Disrespect - Where is the line? That line is going to be different for everyone, and it comes down to one word - Negotiation.
Within the confines of BDSM, Negotiation is the magical word that helps you get what you want, and protect your partner at the same time. But it is (as Reuben says in AOSAS) a lost art.
How about an example:
"I want to brat you because I want you to force me to submit because that's hot."
"Okay. I like that too. I'll do that."
This is not a good negotiation. This is a conceptual conversation only. Let's take it further and keep it safe and respectful.
"I want to mouth off to you so you put me in my place."
"Do you want to be put in your place with verbal degradation and humiliation and bullying? Or just physically pounded into the mattress?"
"Pounded, please. And punished, but not 'I'm disappointed in you' punished. Just 'I want you to remember who is in charge' punished."
"I'm okay with that, but I don't want you to insult me or question my love for you when you mouth off. And I don't want you to poke me in the stomach when you brat me, because that's a sensitive thing for me that I'm still working on."
"I want to make sure you see how much I want you once we start playing. I don't want to make you feel insecure. But, can I call you names to exacerbate the energy?"
"Yes, but don't call me a looser. It pulls me out of the headspace. What can I call you, or not call you?"
"You can call me everything except a cunt. And you can spank me, but don't slap my face."
"What is important to you in the scene?"
"That I feel valued and treasured, and that I feel how much you desire to dominate me. The rest is details. What about you?"
"I want you to be worn out at the end. If you're not exhausted and worn out, keep pushing me. I don't want to leave you half fucked. I want you to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love you, respect you, and can satisfy you."
(this is just barely scratching the surface, and there can be so much more.)
But the point here is that it's more than just "do this, don't do that." This negotiation has limits in place, a goal in mind, and a mental, physical, and emotional state where both couples want to be at the end of the scene.
This is respectful bratting.
Having a safeword or safe code in place is good, too. In AOSAS, Reuben counts to 3 to tell Alice where he is on the "okay" scale. Some couples might use counting to three to show how close they are to being ready to play. My husband and I have used "pause" as a phrase to mean "I need to step away and process some stuff, or mentally prepare myself, but I still want to do this" kind of key word.
Define your terms. Set your limits. Ask for what you want. Respect your partner.
That is good communication.
Happy bratting!
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