Welcome to my educational series! I've been wanting to do something like this for a while, to spread awareness and education about consensual power dynamics and safe(ish) kink play. These posts will also be on my Facebook page(s), and my Instagram page.
I see this question online a lot! How do you get your partner to do that thing you really want to try? It could be as simple as fuzzy handcuffs, or as major as mindfuck.
Once again, the answer is pretty simple: You don't pressure your partner into doing anything that would break their limits.
This one really comes down to communication. If you communicate your wants and needs, and your partner understands why it's important to you, and it is within their own limits, often times they will be willing to try it. However, if you mention something to your partner and it makes them uncomfortable, pushing or pressuring them to do the thing is a violation of consent.
But let's say your partner is pretty open, and you're struggling to bring up the thing. Here are a few conversation tips that can help.
"I was reading a story/watching a video/thinking the other day where (Describe in detail the thing). It made me really excited and I felt ________." The more detailed and specific you can be here, the better. Especially if your partner is vanilla, they might not have an idea of how to incorporate a kink into play. This is a great way to introduce an idea without outright asking, which, for someone without experience, could shut them down without actually exploring the idea. Gauge your partner's response. If they get excited by the idea, it might be fun to ask. If they look at you like you're crazy, it may be best to pick something a little more tame to start.
"I really like the idea of (the thing). I think it would make me feel _______." This one is great because you're assigning a "why" to the thing. Do you want to try bondage because you want to feel helpless? Or because you want to feel scared? knowing the why behind what you want will help your partner craft better scenes for you in the long run.
"Can you tell me about some of your fantasies? Can I tell you about some of mine?" This just gets the conversation going. You may be surprised what comes up!
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