Welcome to my educational series! I've been wanting to do something like this for a while, to spread awareness and education about consensual power dynamics and safe(ish) kink play. These posts will also be on my Facebook page(s), and my Instagram page.
Let's talk about public BDSM play for a minute. There are all kinds of public scenes that people do in books, spicy short stories, etc. I very often see people online questioning what is ok and what is not. And then, of course, there was that viral photo a few years ago with a guy in kinkwear on a leash in public. So where exactly is the line?
It's actually pretty simple: The public hasn't consented to witnessing your play. So they cannot find out what you're doing.
Here are a few examples:
Fantasy: being naked in public under your long coat; wearing a short skirt with no panties; wearing a button-down shirt with no bra and not buttoning it, but letting it hang closed etc.
The issue with all of these: If you expose yourself, and a minor sees, you are now a sex offender. Even if the person who sees is not a minor, it's still public indecency. Even if they are not offended, they still didn't consent to see you without clothing. Ask yourself, is your fantasy more important than someone else's consent?
Solution - wear clothes. Sorry, but there's no getting around this one. You have to wear clothes in public. If you're wearing a skirt or dress that cannot fly up (a sheath dress, or one that cannot billow because of the cut) you can probably get away without wearing underwear. But be cautious who you choose to do that around.
Fantasy: Wearing bondage gear in public
Issue: it really depends on the bondage gear you wear. Are you wearing a chastity device that nobody can see? That's not a problem. Has your Top tied you up under your shirt? As long as the ropes don't show through, you're good.
What about wearing a collar and a leash in public? This is more of an issue. There could be ways to get around it, such as threading the leash through the arm of your sleeve and your partner holding it, but that is a safety concern, and I wouldn't recommend it.
A better option is for your partner to have some kind of possessive hold over you. Perhaps they put their hand on the back of your (public appropriate) collar, threading their thumb under it for a good grip. Maybe you have a bracelet around your wrist that your partner can hold, or maybe instead of holding your hand, they hold your actual wrist. This can be just as much bondage as ropes or handcuffs.
Fantasy: wearing an insertable toy in public
Issue: If your toy has even a tiny possibility of it falling out, it is the same as exposing yourself. If your toy makes noise, even if you're in a loud place, it is still possible someone will hear it. This is the same as exposing yourself. If you orgasm because you can't handle it, or look highly flustered and aroused, you are still bringing people into your kink. They didn't consent to watch you come.
The only context in which playing with an insertable toy around other people would be appropriate, is if the people around you have consented.
So maybe you're sitting on a park bench with your playmate, your toy secure (perhaps a tight pair of underwear keeping it from falling on the ground) and your playmate is playing with the controls on their phone. A group of people walk by. Your partner adjusts the sensations to stop completely. The non-players pass, and the sensations start again. This is a perfectly acceptable scenario! As long as you take careful consideration of who is around you, and what they could possibly see. Sure it's not as much fun as doing it in a restaurant where anyone could judge you... but again, you can't bring someone into your play without their consent.
If these solutions don't do it for you, it's best to play in kink-friendly spaces. Always remember to ask yourself, "If kids or cops saw this, would I go to jail?"
What kinds of public scenes have you done? Would you do it again?
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